Is the Gentleman Feeling Alright – Chapter 40

         Su Shiyu had trailed behind by a bit, and only after seeing the procession wrapping up as it should did he turn around to leave. He hadn’t walked more than a few paces before someone came up to him from a nearby turn, greeting him as soon as he spoke up: “Your Honour!”.

　　The round-faced youth was dressed in a minor official’s robes and carried a dao (cutlass) at his waist, so it surpressed the usual air of immaturity between his brows a bit, too bad that was all ruined by his jubilant expression in the moment.

　　Su Shiyu hadn’t noticed Luo Xin was among the guards, but was only slightly surprised. He then gently nodded, and said a few words in polite concern: “Have you been doing well in the Ministry of War these days?”

　　”Not too well.”

　　”Not well in which sense?”

　　”Didn’t Your Honour just conclude the King of Huainan’s case a few days ago; the verdict notice has been pasted all over Chang’an, now everyone knows that the King of Huainan is a bad guy. I’m not really aggrieved towards Your Honour; but Your Honour, you know that I’m stupid and don’t understand all these complicated twists and turns, I only enlisted because I heard stories of General Chu’s great battle against the Xiongnu growing up, and envied him in my heart, so I also wanted to repay the country by fighting its wars. The King of Huainan didn’t really place me in any important positions, and I didn’t really have much of an opinion about him before I knew he wanted to rebel. So when I followed Your Honour to Chang’an, I didn’t feel like it was a big deal.” Luo Xin was a little downtrodden, “But in these few days, there’s always someone asking me about things regarding the King of Huainan, and when I say I don’t know, they just think I’m not willing to talk about it. A few times I’ve even heard them discussing in private, saying stuff like I’m a remnant of the King of Huainan’s faction, and that Your Honour bringing me to Chang’an is akin to inviting the wolf into the house, that maybe even Your Honour, yourself might be harbouring disloyalty in your heart……”

　　His voice trailed off and he didn’t continue that sentence, hanging his head.

　　Su Shiyu wasn’t bothered by that last sentence he said, simply smiling coolly, “Since you have always understood what you want to do, why are you now being tripped over by others’ criticisms.”

         “But even a patrolling soldier doesn’t trust me much……”

　　”Is what you want to achieve wrong?” Su Shiyu suddenly asked.

　　”Definitely not!” Luo Xin said, as resolutely as slicing iron and chopping nails. “How could killing the country’s enemies be wrong!”

　　”Then when others are suspicious of you, will it make you waver?” Su Shiyu looked at him with a serene gaze.

　　Luo Xin thought about it seriously, then shook his head, “No, otherwise I wouldn’t have followed you (respectful) to Chang’an either.”

　　Su Shiyu retracted his gaze, and smiled, “Since that is the case, why do you allow those criticisms to trouble you.”

　　Luo Xin froze, and after a moment he was able to react, nodding solemnly at Su Shiyu, his gaze as determined as steel. And then after that he quickly couldn’t hold himself back from saying: “Your Honour……I still want to ask one question.

　　”You may speak frankly.”

　　”Is your relationship with General Chu very bad?” He carefully asked.

　　Su Shiyu was slightly surprised, “Why do you say so?”

　　Luo Xin deliberated for a bit, then evasively: “During their discussion, they all believed you (respectful) bringing me to Chang’an was to use me to divide up General Chu’s authority, and even allow me to replace General Chu someday, but…..why? General Chu is clearly so awesome, and clearly did so much for Daxia, why would he still be treated like this?”

　　Su Shiyu fell silent, slightly inclining his head to the front; where Chu Mingyun stood alone under the draping willows, lifting a hand to pull at a jade-coloured branch, studying something vacantly. The glow of the setting sun brushed over his long, sweeping eyelashes, creating a swash of gentle light.

　　——Why would he still be treated like this?

　　Because you have never seen the Chu Mingyun who slaughters unhesitatingly, ghastly and ruthless.

　　Because you have never seen the Chu Mingyun who smiles thinly as he calculatingly schemes.

　　You have never seen his semblance when he casually left the Emperor of Daxia no choice but to hand over the military authority.

　　You have never witnessed how he managed to stand at the peak of authority and influence within the short span of a few years.

　　Only bones and blood can stack up to that sort of height.

　　This trip to Huainan, Su Shiyu had the intent to test and confirm; but Chu Mingyun hadn’t acted at all, as if he’d already noticed, and deeply buried his wild ambitions.

　　That night within the parting pavilion Chu Mingyun said, ‘Expand the territory thousands of miles, and summon respect from all directions’, Su Shiyu could tell he wasn’t lying, but how could it be as simple as that.

　　But he held his troops and made no movements, so he had no avenue to conjecture from.

　　There was no other way.

　　——Why would he still be treated like this?
(T/N: This can also translate to: Why must I still treat him like this?)

　　And because even now, I still can’t guess all of his thoughts completely.

　At the end of the tether, with no other strategy left to try, not knowing what to do, not knowing how I should treat him in order for all to be well, be it in the capacity of official duty,……or in the capacity of my personal wishes.

　　Luo Xin saw that Su Shiyu was lost in deep thought, and was self-aware that he’d said something inappropriate, quickly apologising profusely. Su Shiyu returned to himself, giving him a glance, then smiling blandly, allowing him to change the topic to some idle chat.

　　Chu Mingyun retracted his gaze, effortlessly tearing down the long and narrow willow leaf and crushing it into pulp between his fingertips, simply thinking that the conversation between those two seemed to have no end. (T/N: Lmao)

　　The sap from the leaf seemed like a slight streak of faint-green polish on those pure-white fingertips, and while his mind wandered he suddenly heard the sound of footsteps from two people not far behind him. He slowly and leisurely turned around and was about to speak up, yet he realised it was the Xiongnu’s ninth prince Yuwen Sun and his attendant passing by.

　　Their gazes interlocked for the span of a blink.

　　The attendant lowered his eyes in frightened alarm, Chu Mingyun turned back around indifferently.

　　Following that, Yuwen Sun’s voice sounded out, speaking in Xiongnu language, and he asked the attendant: “Yu Lu, why the hell are you so scared of him for?”

　　”Ninth Prince, you (respectful) have never been on the battlefield, so you don’t understand. It’s like how a person who has never seen a malevolent spirit, would certainly not know how frightful a malevolent spirit can be.”

　　”A malevolent spirit? Him?” Yuwen Sun was clearly displeased, “Yu Lu, you are after all one of the Xiongnu’s strong and fine men, whereas that fellow is all pale-white and soft-looking like a woman, don’t you feel like it’s disgraceful (a loss of face) to say that?”

　　Chu Mingyun had been able to understand the spoken Xiongnu language long since the time he was still on expeditions, but he wasn’t able to speak it and didn’t think it worth his time to speak it either. Yuwen Sun assumed he couldn’t understand, and made no attempts to be euphemistic in his wording, so he also just decided to play deaf and dumb, and couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge them.

　　Yet Yu Lu quickly pulled at Yuwen Sun(‘s robe),”Be careful with what you say Ninth Prince, the Han people are more capable than you think.”

　　”I know the Han people are capable, they have been living in narrow cramped houses for a long time, such that their hearts are also filled with trenches and twists; they are most expert at plotting those schemes and intrigues, if not for relying on those, with our grasslands men’s strength, this place would long have been our pastures.”

　　Yu Lu sighed lowly, and mumbled: “Ninth Prince is still young, and should slowly come to understand that not all those stories passed around in the tents are credible.”

　　”What kind of talk is that?” Yuwen Sun pulled his own sleeve back, and looked dazedly at him, “You tell me, are Royal Brother’s stories credible? Is the great victory we achieved in the battle thirteen years ago credible?”

　　”……It is credible.” Yu Lu said.

　　”Then what are you so afraid of? Isn’t it just that a general that is a little more decent appeared on their side?” Yuwen Sun said, “Back then thirteen years ago when our grand army invaded, most of the Daxia commanders all abandoned their cities and ran, there was virtually no one who opposed us. The most ridiculous one is still Liangzhou, they actually let a woman stand up for them, and in the end that woman’s corpse was hung on the wall tower, and long until it had been blown dry by the wind, still couldn’t incite any bravery in the remaining soldiers, and during the entire ten days we took to slaughter the city there wasn’t even a single one with the guts to resist, all a bunch of useless soft weaklings,” His tone was filled with scorn, “That’s all the Han people amount to.”

　　Chu Mingyun clutched at a section of willow.

　　Yu Lu was terribly startled, and glanced at the Chu Mingyun’s absolutely still back silhouette; then ignored deference to rank as he grabbed hold of Yuwen Sun, hurriedly changing course to run down another path, their figures quickly vanishing into the verdant woods.

　　That segment of thin branch was ground against his palm, bit-by-bit oozing out deep-coloured sap, letting out the creaking moan of near-destruction.

　　Chu Mingyun slowly loosened his five fingers, and the sensation of that handful of stickiness was like that of viscous blood. He lifted his eyes into the distance. The blood-red remnants of the setting sun pooled out across the heavens, seeping towards somewhere not visible far out.

　　——You must not look back.

　　The gunpowder and smoke in memories burned flagrantly for thirteen years without end, arrows flew loose across the sky before falling, the vermillion city gate toppled, and being an onlooker to this purgatory as he leaned against the ruins of walls reduced to rubble.

　　——You must not retreat.

　　The pyres completely burned the entire landscape, cries and screaming pervaded the land through thousands of li that once fluorished. The iron hooves of the Xiongnu stepped over young children, branding the slate tiles with thick splotches of blood and deeply charred scars.　　

       ——Mingyun, you must not look back, you must not fall back here.

       ——You need to escape out of here!

　　——You need to escape out of here！

　　——Everyone can feel scared, anybody might fall back, anyone could wait for death, but you cannot!

　　”……A’Jie (Sis).”

　　The lady clad in red holding her sword paused, and sluggishly replied in an astringent, hoarse voice: “What is it?”

　　”…Right now you look really fierce ah.”

　　The lady froze, and tears abruptly rolled from reddened eyes. She covered her eyes with her hands, and choked with sobs as she well-humoredly scolded, “Scoundrel!”

　　In the end he still couldn’t resist turning back to take a look, and through the heavy overlapped silhouettes of trees, the colour of blood that diffused outward from that familiar townscape filled his eyes, continuously extending upward, dyeing the entire patch of the heavens red.

　　Holding a sword and going forth, and ending up with the fate of having one’s corpse hung as a warning to the public.

　　Chu Mingyun closed his eyes, and very lightly and lowly, he laughed.

　　The hissing of a blade cutting through the air echoed harshly.

　　The gathered officials followed the sound with their gazes in surprise, and only saw a swaying of leaves and branches within the woods, with not a soul in the vicinity.

　　They hadn’t had time to even utter their doubt, when another figure swept briskly into the woods, close enough to have brushed past them, but they were not in time to see who it was clearly.

　　Only Luo Xin stood in vacant astonishment on the spot, not understanding what exactly it was that the usually composed Master Su saw, that made him chase over without even so much as a by-your-leave.

　　Corners of dark and blue-coloured robes flitted past gaps in the lush greenery, passing by in a flash, but was precisely caught by Su Shiyu’s eyes. With rapt attention he increased his speed again, and within a flash of those robes in front of him he quickly shot out a hand and held back Chu Mingyun’s shoulder, taking advantage of this one moment he slowed down to pull the other directly into his arms. His arms wrapped around Chu Mingyun’s chest, strenuously suppressing him.

　　”Let go!”

　　”You calm down a bit.” Su Shiyu’s breath still hadn’t evened out, hugging him tightly from behind.

　　But not a word or two would even reach Chu Mingyun right now, he single-mindedly and furiously struggled. He could not make free use of his arms within his ‘shackles’, yet the suddenly the long sword in his hand turned in his palm, piercing straight in the direction behind him.

　　Su Shiyu didn’t move even a hair, rigidly taking this blow from the sword.

　　So the tip of the tilted blade slit open a wound at the side of his neck, leaving behind a swipe of chill, the line of blood immediately followed the line of his shoulder as it snaked and extended, blooming a patch of bright-red on that plain-white collar.

　　Su Shiyu could not suppress a light shudder, tightly furrowing his brow. Yet the force exerted by his hands increased, locking Chu Mingyun firmly in his embrace, lifting the other hand to block his eyes. He didn’t hold back at all with his strength, yet he softened his tone, “Calm down a bit, they are ambassadors who have come to negotiate peace, at least for the moment you are not to kill them.”

　　Chu Mingyun hadn’t expected he wouldn’t even try to dodge like this,  and his movements in attempt to struggle free unconsciously paused. In the instant the other’s palm lay over his eyes, every kind of thought turned into a blank, and he nearly couldn’t hold the sword in his grip.

　　”Don’t act rashly, you calm down a bit, think about it, your enemies have all been killed in entirety by you on the battlefield, the lost land has all been completely reclaimed already……”

　　”It’s alright now, it’s alright now, those people who once hurt you have all already been killed by you……”

　　”……It’s all in the past now.”

　　He repeated it again and again, and finally felt the person in his arms gradually giving up the struggle, it’s just that his entire body was still constantly trembling, and it seemed that he was doing his best to restrain himself.

　　From his palm came the slightly itchy sensation of eyelashes sweeping past, and a long time after Chu Mingyun slowly spoke up:

　　”Hey,” His voice was low and hoarse, “Using that tone of voice of yours, say a few more words to me.”

　　”What do you want to hear?” Su Shiyu asked.

　　Chu Mingyun fell silent for a long while, then extremely softly, said: “Say you’re right here, say you’re still alive.”

　　Su Shiyu was startled, but immediately following that he turned his face to press close to Chu Mingyun’s ear, slowly and earnestly saying, “I’m still alive, I’m right here,” He paused, then in a tone filled with all his gentleness continued, “I’ll be here with you.”

　　Word by word falling into his ears, each sounding as gentle as jade.

　　This embrace was warm, that familliar fragrance of Calming Incense was smooth and kindly, within it mingled a faint smell of blood.

　　All of it confirming with certainty and signalling to him this person’s existence.

　　Chu Mingyun gradually calmed down, and after a silence so still you could hear breathing, he suddenly let out a laugh: “All you’ve got is that bit of strength?”

　　Su Shiyu hadn’t had the time to react, before he was abruptly embraced fully by Chu Mingyun who turned around.

　　He let go of the longsword in his grip, the three chi of sharp steel falling to the ground with a clank (‘dang-lang’).

　　He tightly hugged Su Shiyu, with the amount of force like he was about to crush the other’s flesh and bones to meld into his own veins, using this posture that absolutely dominated the other for his own, reluctant to part with even a bit of him. He lowered his eyes and buried his head in Su Shiyu’s neck, and after scenting that bit of bloody smell, pressed closely without warning and licked.

　　Su Shiyu abruptly stiffened, that warm and moist sensation continued to lap against the side of his neck almost senselessly, lips pressed to skin, the tip of his tongue tracing the track of that wound, licking clean the bloodstains bit by bit.

　　Those breaths all fell on his neck, inciting a peculiar numbness to run down his spine.

　　The arms Chu Mingyun were hugging him with unconsciously tightened, pulling his collar loose, following that trail of blood to lick downward, from neck to shoulder, and slowly, his lips had already pressed to his collarbone, desiring to seek out the tip of the blood welt.

　　A thin breeze arose in the woods, and only then the bit of chill that brushed over his shoulder suddenly roused Su Shiyu with a start, “……Master Chu!”

　　He pulled away Chu Mingyun’s arm and took a step back, gathering back into place his own collar that had been pulled open for the most part, and lowered his pupils, masking off that shred of panic in his eyes.

　　Chu Mingyun stood in that spot, the clarity gradually returning to his gaze. He slowly blinked, as if also being startled awake from a deep dream, and temporarily unable to react, “……Master Su.”

　　Su Shiyu had already tidied his robes, and apart from that trace of blood on his collar, there was no other visible mark (of what had transpired). When he lifted his eyes to look at him even that smile was the same as always, indifferently saying: “It is good that Master Chu has calmed down.”

　　”I……”

　　”This isn’t an injury that will inconvenience me, Master Chu need not feel self-reproach or bothered over it.” Su Shiyu interrupted him.

　　”That’s not what I’m talking about, just now I……”

　　”There are still people waiting over there, we should return as quickly as we can.”

　　Chu Mingyun didn’t say any more, silently looking at him, yet Su Shiyu moved away his gaze, and after a moment lightly laughed, “You need not feel bothered over it.”

　　Chu Mingyun was also not clear on what he wanted to say, in this moment where his train of thought was sluggish, Su Shiyu again glanced back at him with a smile, like that of water and of smoke, faint and peaceful in its solitary, then lifted his feet to walk away.

　　The blood traces on Su Shiyu’s collar were very eye-catching, yet couldn’t be covered up; when he and Chu Mingyun walked out of the woods one after the other, whispers immediately arose among the officials that had yet to leave.

　　Su Shiyu walked back in front of Luo Xin as it nonchalantly, nodding in apology as he said: “Just now the situation was urgent, forgive me for the discourtesy.”

　　Luo Xin, still a little stupefied, shook his head to express that he didn’t mind, and asked: “Your Honour, why have you been injured, just now was that sound General Chu’s sword? You two……”

　　Su Shiyu placidly said, “Just now there was a bit of an accident, General Chu brandished his sword to fend off a toppling tree, I’d just come over and was carelessly scratched by a sharp branch, it’s nothing much.”

　　Luo Xin believed him without even thinking about it and those pair of eyes stared at Su Shiyu, and he couldn’t help finding it a bit strange: “Your Honour are you okay? Do you still have other wounds, why is it that your face is also a bit red?”

　　Su Shiyu paused, pressing the back of his hand to his cheek, tone still held steady and proper as he replied, “Is that so?”

　　”That’s right ah!” Luo Xin nodded, and lifting his hand he pointed it out, “Also your ears seem a bit (red) too.”

　　”……” Su Shiyu put down his hand, and faced with Luo Xin’s sincere gaze, he let out a sigh, “Disregard what I said earlier, you needn’t rush to achieve some feat to prove yourself for now, if you have the time you should read more books instead.”

　　”What would I read books for?” Luo Xin was unable to make heads or tails of this, “I’m a military official, it’s not like I’m aiming to be the Zhuangyuan.”

　　”Read more books, learn more about the ways of life.” Su Shiyu said.

　　News like this that led people to conjecture wildly always spread overly fast, when Chu Mingyun returned to his residence, Du Yue and Qin Zhao were already standing at the door waiting for him, one at the left and the other at the right.

　　”Aren’t you capable, (your) sword skills are so brilliant, I hear that if the angle was bit different it’d take my Bro’s life ah?” This was Du Yue simplifying “Cousin (Tang-ge) to Brother (Ge) in his ambiguously snarking to show his standpoint.

　　”You’ve decided to give up on continuing roundabout interaction to contend (with him) and simply struck out?” This was Qin Zhao whose face, usually stiff as an ice-block now even showed a bit of restlessness; ready to take action.

　　Chu Mingyun kept to himself and walked to his own room as if he hadn’t heard anything.

　　”Your complexion looks so ghastly, what’s the matter?” Qin Zhao chased up to him to ask.

　　”Aiy Surnamed Chu have you finally been struck with lightning ah?” Du Yue’s tone suddenly made a turn for the cheerful. (T/N: Implying that he’s earned retribution for doing too many bad things)

　　Chu Mingyun slammed the door shut to ward off those two things outside the room with a fling of his sleeve.

　　Chu Mingyun sat down beside the table, and poured a cup of tea for himself. Only until he had drunk all of it down did his expression gradually turn complicated, and after that he lifted his hand to press between his brows, talking to himself as if he found it unbelievable: “How is it that I would hug Su Shiyu and lick there……”

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T/N: I’ll be able to translate on painkillers, said nobody ever. Can you really blame CMY for falling for SSY? I think anybody would in that moment.

1.斩钉截铁 – Because these actions (e.g. chopping off the end of a nail after hammering it in) cannot be undone, this is an idiom for being resolute and decisive, or for describing an unhesitating manner. [Return]

2.离停 – This is that pavilion by the side of the road in Chapter 33. It’s like the ancient equivalent of a rest stop, so caravans usually stop there. It’s also usually at the fork in the road, so people sending someone off usually make their goodbyes there. That’s why I chose this term. [Return]

3.The ‘Zhuangyuan’ is the title given to the top scorer in the Imperial Examinations, which one would have to take in order to become a civil official. A looser and much different path is required of a military official. [Return]

4.玩意儿 – ‘Plaything’, contemptuously used to describe someone as less than a person. It’s usually used when someone is trying to scorn the other for being cheap or a prostitute, but in this case Chu Mingyun is just not taking them seriously. [Return]